Thursday, 22 January 2015

Deutsch sei poetisch, Englisch theatralisch

German be poetic, English theatrical
'What does it tell you when an assassin can't shooting straight?' - means they're not really trying 
(BBC Sherlock - The Blind Banker)
every sunray is another reason to live
i can feel myself breathing
surrounded by shimmering colours
proud owner of tons of tea
and finally my voice is back to
its natural sound
celebrated my resurrection with fruit for lunch and mango as moon
lots of greens in the arctic zone
the neighbour of tea kettle
colourful fruits and veg represent life, spring
a bit more life
a bit more purpose
two envelopes were handed to me today
trying to convince me that I am not an
absolute failure
I was astounded
used to think good grades were awarded to me for someone must have had mercy on my poor insomniac soul (sarcasm?)
how improbable would it be though, to assume that on an academic level, were work is marked by more than one person, this could still be put into practice
no, it seems, that despite my utter dissatisfaction with my unorganised,  faulty work, the grades i received are really quite okay. 
I cant work before a deadline is right in front of me, rarely do anything before midnight. My sleeping pattern is as fucked up as can be.
Today I put on my exercise clothes, cycled down to the seafront, locked my bike and jogged on the beach. How endless the horizon is - so much beauty, do much pain. Yoga and being connected,  touching sand, iamamiwhoami in my ears ●○●
Reflecting lakes of pure fire
magenta, passion flower
lit by this ethereal endlessness 
We talked about seeing famous garments live in class today ... reminded me how I stood in front of Maiko Takeda's headpiece at the Faceless exhibition in Vienna, some time back, tears in my eyes, quite certain that no one else in this room would understand me. I did not feel sad because of that - everything made sense to me and I felt like I was in the centre of a circle that was about to join ends. All good. We shall not pine after our past,  but I wish I could remember more of the Haute Couture Exposition I've visited in Paris, in 2013. 
But I was in love back then and that was okay because nothing bad had happened then and I was just so infinitely light in spirit, innocent, unknowing. Just once with the city, with my dreams.
I am see-through, so it seems. It intimidates me when people tell me they know who I am. I feel quite uneasy talking to people, at times. I'd much rather be an actor, talking of the wonders of the world, be a work of Art,  impeccable in looks, and genderless. I want to portray an ethereal being and show my personality through my work.
Even though quite often immersed into the World wide web,  and despite my shyness - I would never equal chatting to real talk. And I do want to live, talk to real people, strangers on the street, like I did when I was 18 - listen to their wisdom and share my love for this existence. Human nature is a wonderful thing and as much as I'm a cyber kid and technology helps me work, hands - on experience, actually doing things - shooting on film and developing it - drawing with pencil,  painting with water colours,  sewing with my hands -- those are unbeatable things.  I want a real embrace,  not a cyber hug. Need to look a person in the eye and just feel this understanding.
I am too strong to feel let down anymore-- have to fight on my own.
Am the Tiger Princess,  after all.


(c) alissa cha, 2015

No comments:

Post a Comment

tell me what you think and i shall be grateful (: