it's hard to get up in the morning - and cold.
the insomnia kingdom flourishes under my reign, translucent ghost creatures float through the air, teeth chattering.
i hide my body under clothing and wish i could just wrap myself in twenty kimonos. fleur the lys piercing my eyebrows.
my heart yields, yields and where did it hide this time?
jumping around like a wild animal. how to contain (it)?
it does rip my heart out but this feeling shows me that i am alive.
because what would the use be otherwise?
can not dwell with boredom and nihilism. there's flesh draped over my bones. but i wish i could carry myself far from this point.
i need home. need to strengthen my bones.
want my legs to be strong and to dance again, feel music, not just tearing my soul (in pieces).
words have to be my words and not just shadows.
I WILL SAVE MYSELF
from this gaping abyss
because it means everything to me - when i hear these tunes
so many reasons to live
demolish the cage, tear it apart, bar by bar
forty minutes, silence
stretch my fingers, wonder if they've transformed
eyelids open, sunlight blazing
two dots, touching, burning red
you are not who i thought you would be
lured me into thoughtlessness with your lovely architecture
your promises of a better, creative life
and i can't bear the bêtise, the inanity anymore
every time i lift my my earphones and hope for sophistication
i am let down
i really don't want to hurt anyone but i can't pretend
i need to leave, there is no other way
used to be a monumental decision, now it is only waiting
but i CAN'T wait anymore, i NEED TO live
why is my life always in my imagination only
this all does not have enough impact on my happiness or my dreams
so why not abandon it straight away?
i listened to Sia's 'elastic heart' what felt like 20 times today
and it made me understand and reflect again
gain composure to such an extent that i am able to write now
i oscillated on the seafront, with my bike - like waves.
obliged to find a way of movement
that imitates nature
if you can be my zebra lion
i will be your dark vampire queen
moon/moon mirror face
who's also got an elastic heart
stunned by beauty but not approached easily
too much passion for aestheticism and sophistication
but no believe in love for her
it's easy to guess her feelings
she's bad at concealing
but likes to be other people
all these fantastic creatures that allow her to be genderless
(there is no flaw in this statement, is there)
a dandy prince, an ethereal tiger princess
a ginger elven … focussed on herself so as not to feel the pain
marching through this world on a quick stride
wants to disappear into nothingness at times
take me home please